Rhymes with Camera: Filmmaker, becoming
Poetry films, the reasons why I write, and the hidden ableism inside the anti-AI club (trust me on this one).
Filmmaker, becoming
Last month, I attended my first-ever film festival as an actual filmmaker.
It was a bucket list item I didn’t realize I had.
When I arrived at the West Sound Film Fest on August 2, I signed in as a filmmaker, got my special badge (which served as a free pass to the entire festival as well as to free hospitality), autographed a bunch of posters, and learned from the organizers how much they admired my film.
When I told them it was my first ever film, they were amazed.
(I mean, I’m kind of amazed that I pulled it off at all, but these people viewed my entry as a real film by a real filmmaker… their amazement reminded me that my film made it into the festival, not because I’m local, but because it was a film deserving of a screening.)
I also thrilled at seeing my film on the big screen. I have only ever watched it play on my larger monitor, which isn’t even as big as my smallest TV screen. I have no words for how this felt. To see it showing so large, in front of 100 people (just guessing, but it was a lot!), was so very satisfying.
Why I made LOOK UP
There are two reasons why I made this five-minute film about a girl living with MS and overcoming one of its chief symptoms: malaise (neurological fatigue).
I wanted to attempt to make a short poetry film after going to Cadence in April 2023 and having my mind blown at the idea that poetry film is not only a thing, but a cool way to tell a story or produce a lyric.
I will always want to use my writing in a way that makes the world a better place. It’s what I decided at age 4 and now, at age 59, I’m still creating toward that purpose. I made this film to inspire, educate, raise awareness, and elevate my peers in the world of chronic illness so that they feel a sense of belonging (with “feeling alone” the de facto default; people who are chronic or disabled aren’t nearly as connected and supported as the world might imagine).
After the film screened, I went onstage with the other (mind-blowing) filmmakers to answer questions about my film. How humbling and exciting!
I also received some important feedback from Ash, the emcee, who described his experience with the film in ways that suggested I’d achieved my goals.
[I’m still floating on the energy of that confirmation.]
Out in the lobby, I met other viewers in the audience who gave me additional positive feedback, who acknowledged me throughout the rest of the festival with smiles and waves. I realized I’d made me some actual fans from this little itty bitty film I pieced together over the last year.
I also met another person in the audience who lives with MS. Not only did we hit it off, but I discovered she is also a writer whose stories feature women protagonists who also defy chronic illness and disability.
Like attracts like!
I hope to see Lya Badgley soon, maybe next week at my upcoming event in Snohomish county. Check out her work.
Finally, I take this experience as a sign my film (its next showing is in Copenhagen in October!) was not a fluke creation, but something I should attempt to make again.
Why I write, at all
Since then, I’ve been in a transitional space with my writing… a lot of time spent on promoting the new book, with little time spent on new work or even revision. Most of my filmmaking skill set has been pushed into making book trailers, which is fun but not the same as making poetry films.
The fall brings a feeling of change that’s helping me to redefine where I’m putting my energy these days.
The siren song of composing fresh stories (which will happen because it’s my turn at the podcast) and of revising and submitting preexisting stories (one by publisher request) is becoming a bit of an earworm.
I also really want to start a new poetry film and have been shooting atmospheric bits just in case.
During these moments of transition between writing projects and creative spaces, I revisit the question of why I write at all.
The easy answer is that it’s my purpose (as described above), a reason I’ll never stray from.
I’m a writer because I can’t not write.
I find a great deal of purpose in writing, even if, on the surface, it seems like what I’ve composed is an inconsequential tale or sweet poem with no obvious intention other than to celebrate life (which, pssst, is a kind of purpose).
But, that said:
I also write with the purpose of shining a light
on things that others may not always notice.
One of these such things is ableism.
Unpopular opinion: Most healthy people in the US carry around a bit of internalized ableism and may not even know it.
That means you, and it also means me.
Disability advocate Talila A. Lewis' working definition of ableism:
A "system that places value on people's bodies and minds
based on societally constructed ideas of normalcy, intelligence and excellence."
—from “How to Talk About Disability Sensitivity and Avoid Ableist Tropes”
by Shruti Rajkamar, NPR, August 2022
I can definitely cop to my own egregious, if internalized, ableism before I was diagnosed with MS.
I have a friend who was diagnosed with MS prior to my own dx, and I did not do enough as a friend to understand what that meant. I’m sure I also judged her or treated her “less than” for it as well.
So today dawns and I hop into social media and what do I find? Internalized ableism fresh and ripe in a discussion today in the context of an anti-AI argument between creatives in social media.
Creatives, please try to master what AI actually means
The situation: One particular organization updated their AI statement and made a point to call out anti-AI sentiment as ableist and classist.
I’m not here to defend the organization. I’m here to say, they’re not wrong, and I’ll tell you why.
When some creatives talk about AI, they typically reference one discipline of several that represent the technology: generative AI.
Generative AI is fueled by the copyright thievery of chat GPT, and I’m no fan of that. I’ll never consult an AI generator to generate story, not even for inspiration or an outline. I have plenty of my own ideas and don’t suffer block, but I also think it’s unethical to use (for free) the work that has been stolen from others.
However, what some creatives don’t seem to understand about AI is that there are other AI technologies besides generative.
Assistive AI is the kind of technology that people consult when they use Grammarly or spellcheck (just two of many examples which are, ironically, used by writers across all communities). But also:
Assistive AI is the kind of AI technology
that people with chronic illness and disabilities use
for bodies and brains that don’t work
in the typical way that the world is designed for.
I have used assistive AI to read when my comprehension is impaired by a flareup of my MS, leading to a kind of aphasia (thankfully it’s temporary, usually lasting only a few days at a time).
I have also used it when I’m visually impaired by fatigue and inflammation directly linked to MS yet still need to read.
A peer of mine in one of my critique groups uses AI to make audio files of works we read for feedback. I use this bit of assistive AI all the time because it gives me a new way to encounter that fresh bit of writing.
There is no shame in using assistive AI.
Let me repeat it for the ones in the back:
There is no shame in using assistive AI.
When some creatives rally their anti-AI cry without distinguishing between types of AI, they are basically saying that any use of assistive AI is unethical because it is cheating.
WTF. This, my friends, is ableism.
[While I cannot speak to the classist nature of the anti-AI argument, I can imagine it has something to do with lack of economic access... a kind of privilege.]
Sensitivity should extend to people with chronic illness and disability
Writers are taught these days how crucial it is to be sensitive when we write characters who are not us (meaning, they might be of a different race, gender, orientation, belief system, economic status, etc). This is to fight back against other kinds of internalized biases (racism, misogyny, homophobia, antisemitism, classism, etc).
Why shouldn’t this also apply to people who live with chronic illness and disability? Ableism is a kind of internalized bias. Our language is full of microaggressions that speak to this (i.e. “able-bodied,” “confined to a wheelchair,” “barren,” “blind eye,” “tone deaf”).
(I am a retired patient advocate and columnist with multiple sclerosis and I am still learning how my word choices can be ableist. Here’s a good source to check.)
There are lots of writers who also must overcome physical, neurological, mental, and emotional barriers to write their work. Shouldn’t they be treated as equals to their peers with health privilege*? Shouldn’t we support all the assistive tools and technologies that these writers need to achieve their writing goals… especially since writers with health privilege are already using assistive AI (spellchecking, Grammarly, etc) for their own benefit?
*People who don’t experience such barriers enjoy something called health privilege.
Folks in my MS community definitely think it’s health privilege hiding behind this weird anti-AI blind spot. My peers will tell you that, when the anti-AI hate fest blooms in social media, they often feel ashamed for using the very tools they thought were meant to help them get by.
That’s not right. And it’s not on them to “power through” or tolerate this, either. It’s on all of us to be sensitive and stop judging people for using tools that are meant to improve their daily lives. It’s not cheating to use a wheelchair, or closed captions, or an elevator, is it?
Listen, I had health privilege until I didn’t (or I saw it and decided to do better). I wish I had known to be more sensitive before. And now I do.
Now’s a good time for anyone with health privilege to recognize their internalized biases and blind spots and adjust accordingly. It’s no big thing. All folks are asking for is clarity. Words matter.
It doesn’t make you a bad person to have health privilege… unless you consciously and systematically desire to shame people, who are chronically ill or disabled, for trying to help themselves by using AI technologies.
This is, perhaps, a third reason why I write
I mean, if you’ve read my work, it should be obvious.
I write about health privilege in Intention Tremor.
I speak to the challenges of “simple things” like taking a walk outside for people living with chronic malaise and fatigue in LOOK UP.
Several of my works in Cul de Sac Stories shine a spotlight on marginalized communities and how unfairly they’re put through the gauntlet of privilege.
I would hope that the soul of my writing, which seems centered on ideas about justice for those who don’t always enjoy it, is a key reason why you read my work and value my efforts. Because there’s more, a whole lot more, coming down the pike.
If you still don’t know the difference between generative and assistive AI, that’s cool. We’re all learning here, and I’ve found a couple of good places to start.
Generative vs. Assistive AI…and When Writers Need To Disclose [May 25, 2024, Writer’s Weekly]
Nothing About Us, Without Us: Disability Justice and AI [July 9, 2024, Mozilla]
I post these in good faith that you’ll read and think about the messaging that I opposed today in social media and continue to oppose in my own writing.
With that said, what a summer it has been! New books, film festivals, high-energy days and days of hibernation when MS kicked me in the arse.
With the changing of the leaves and the cooling of the season, it’s now time for me to get back to writing and revising and filmmaking...
Time to return to becoming, again, the writer I promised my tiny self I would be in preschool in 1969. I hope you’ll stay with me on this journey.
“Why do you write across genres and forms?”
[Answer: It's a strange affectation of mine, that I tend to write what some people would describe as "all over the place."
But truly, there is a method to my madness when it comes to how and what I choose to write. And why… READ MORE: Ask Me Anything for August]
MS Stories: “Chronic illness as a hall of mirrors” [link]
From the blog post: “People often say that those who are outspoken about their chronic illness and/or disability are ‘brave.’ … It’s funny—I never thought about it in that way. I’m not more brave than any other person.”
INTRODUCING 3 NEW FEATURES
I’ve added two different series (at varying frequencies) to my blog and a new way for you to find and buy books from my favorite authors. Why? I am always finding shiny new objects that deserve some attention.
I hope you’ll take a moment to check out these features, all of them free access.
HI-VIBE FRIDAYS
Like most of everyone I know, I’m trying to find ways to reset my attention away from the anxious doomsaying that is the US election season. One way I’m doing so is to train focus on things in my days that I find inspiring, uplifting, energizing etc. I started a new series, Hi-Vibe Friday, on my blog to attend to that reset.
Here are the first three posts… I may or may not always be doing this weekly, but I hope you enjoy reading my positive observations about people, places, products, and ideas.
Hi-Vibe Friday for August 30, 2024
Hi-Vibe Friday for August 23, 2024
Hi-Vibe Friday for August 16, 2024
SUBSTACK FINDS
In which I find a really interesting read weekly and curate it so you can go and read it, too! I’m discovering Substack to be a new way to have an old-timey experience: daily newspaper and magazine reading.
August Substack Finds [August 31, 2024]: Mushroom hunters; stiletto warriors; coming home to the Self; what's a book advance, really?; real-world Fahrenheit 451
THE SELLMAN SHELF AWAITS YOUR BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS
I created The Sellman Shelf in BookShop to help celebrate both my PNW author peers (poetry, fiction, nonfiction) and work I love that’s speculative. Have a look, and if you find something you like, why not make a purchase? All sales benefit local independent booksellers, a wonderful pivot away from that other place.
Might you have titles to suggest? Send them my way! Might you have already read and enjoyed these books? Why not give their authors a nice review in BookShop? It really helps them to be found and appreciated by readers.
SEPTEMBER: WHAT’S HAPPENING
Sept 1: Beneath the Rain Shadow podcast, episode 9, Clay on the hot seat [link]
Sept 9: Featured reader for Everett Poetry Night [link]
Sept 13: Hallow Ian series 2 launch party [link]
Sept 17: Launch of Lurking (preorder now!) [link]
Sept 19-22: Port Townsend Film Festival [link]
Sept 25: Two-Hour Transport as featured reader [link]
Check out my detailed calendar
LINK LOVE
Sept 1, 2024: New supernatural horror fiction at Lowestoft Chronicle: “Early Childhood Education” [link]
Guest posts
Interview with Glenda Bailey Mershon, The Inspiration Shelf [link]
Beneath the Rain Shadow podcast
Jan: Meet Tamara & Clay
Feb: “Nurse Log” by Tamara Sellman
Mar: “Gåva” by Clay Vermulm
Apr: “Meow Meow” by Tamara Sellman
May: “Problem Child” by Clay Vermulm
Jun: “Hellmark” by Tamara Sellman
Jul: “The Mystical Menagerie” by Clay Vermulm
Aug: “Leave No Trace” by Tamara Sellman
Sept: “Welcome Aboard” by Clay Vermulm
Two new Amazon reviews: Cul de Sac Stories [link]
Find me in Social media [link]
PNW GALLERY
Summer Days & Nights, August 2024
[ Top L to R ] Trailhead, Aliyah Beach (private), Kalaloch WA; Rose of Sharon, Kingston WA; first giant zucchini of 2024, Kingston WA
[ Center L to R ] Shallot Harvest, Kingston WA; summer blooming magnolia, Kingston WA; Oregon grape berries, Port Gamble WA
[ Bottom L to R ] Bioluminescent paddle, Port Gamble WA; Indian Paintbrush, Kingston WA; “bark ranger” Aries at Aliyah Beach (private), Kalaloch WA
GARDEN TO KITCHEN
Spicy Green Bean Salsa
What? Salsa?
Yes! I had a surplus of green beans this year, and they were so good, but I didn’t want to keep making the usuals (my go to is Salade Nicoise or oven roasted or dipped in wasabi soy mayo). I decided to try to make a salsa that might go with fish or seafood, something I eat a lot for dinner (usually steelhead filet or large shrimp). I mean, if salsa can be made from mangos or zucchini, it can be made from chopped, freshly steamed green beans, too, right?
I love it when I can make use of multiple crops from my raised beds, and this recipe easily incorporates several items from my August garden besides green beans: shallots, bell pepper, cilantro, and jalapeno.
Click here to access this recipe through my new dedicated Garden to Table recipe page.
May I ask a favor?
These days, social media is, by itself, of little help for those trying to get their books into readers’ hands, owing mostly to the highly charged political landscape we have all found ourselves in.
The best ways I can find my readers are through hand-selling (face to face with potential readers; I love it, but it has its limits) and by word of mouth from readers like you.
If you have read my books (Cul de Sac Stories and/or Intention Tremor), I urge you to help promote them through any of the following channels you’re most comfortable with (see options in graphic below).
If you do so, please send me a link! Have a question? Hit the message button below.
I appreciate the feedback, the thumbs up, the encouragement, and the boost your review will give my books for anyone thinking about buying them or ordering them for the local library.
Thank you!
Had a bit of a “dormant” hibernation period in late August thanks to a flareup of MS symptoms. (Ironically, it affected my vision, so I couldn’t read or drive.)
But I’m still here, even if I needed a few days to stay in my PJs and sleep!
Looking forward to a sweet entry into autumn, my favorite time of year! Warm days, cool nights, soup season, and lots of birds and critters out in the yard! Happy September!
Tamara
